How I Learned to Fall In Love

I went up to Baguio to escape, more than anything. At that time, I kept telling myself that I needed fresh air, and a fresh perspective. What I really needed was a fresh start. In a matter of months, I had lost my career. All my savings went to the sky-high hospital bills to patch up my fractured leg. My boyfriend was put behind bars. Along with all these plummeted my self-esteem, my self-respect and every last shred of my being. I was lost. And very tired.

My first instinct was to fill up this dreaded emptiness with alcohol. Lots of it. I thought it was the only way I could gain control over a life that was slowly spiraling downwards. I thought alcohol made me powerful and for a few hours each night, it made me brave. My next instinct was to look for a man. I always thought a boyfriend was the solution. That he could make everything right again. Yes, I was looking for love, that much I got right.

What I didn’t know was that a love far greater than anything ever imaginable was looking for me too.

And so I woke up every morning to coffee and some bible verses. I would be lying if I said I completely understood everything I was reading right away but some lines definitely stood out. Using my teacher tools, I began highlighting the passages that I felt spoke closest to me.

Here is where I first fell in love with anything that has ever been written:

Song of Songs 1: 2

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—

For your love is more delightful than wine.

(More delightful than wine? Up to that point I thought wine was the sweetest taste I have ever experienced. I was intrigued. What was this love?)

And

Song of Songs 2:7

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

(In the past, I was so desperate to be loved that most of my relationships ended in paranoia and fear. I would chase after men so obviously wrong for me and settle for those who only wanted that one thing from me.

What is this love that comes gently knocking at your door and from that knock alone, and without even seeing his face, you just know?)

And

Song of Songs 3

I looked for the one my heart loves;

I will search for the one my heart loves.

“Have you seen the one my heart loves?”

(What kind of man is this that stirred such a gentle longing in the heart? That you would be willing to go to the ends of the earth to find him?  Who is he?)

And

Song of Songs 7:13

And at our door is every delicacy both new and old;

That I have stored up for you, my lover.

(At that point I had exhausted myself giving away everything I could to every single man whom I thought I loved. What kind is this love that had you storing up and saving gifts; for someone you had not even met yet?)

Reading the book of Songs quieted my heart and calmed my restless spirit. The pain began to ebb away. Chel and I stopped going to bars for my alcohol and men fix.

I was looking for that kind of love that was revealed to me in the Bible. I wasn’t sure how, I wasn’t sure with whom…but I knew that it was what I wanted. I longed for that gentleness, and that quiet faith that love would come and when it does….

It did, of course.

And until now His love still blows me away every single day.

My lover is mine, and I am his.

Song of Solomon 2:16

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About reformedrockstar

I'll tell you what I'm not. I'm not a radio DJ, a TV host, an events host, a tattoo artist nor a bad ass rock chick bass player. I am quite simply, a child of God. This blog is His story. :) View all posts by reformedrockstar

11 responses to “How I Learned to Fall In Love

  • joeyvelunta

    Sa aking sariling pananaw, may tatlong uri ng pag-ibig. Una, ang pag-ibig ng Lumikha sa atin, ang Maykapal. Pangalawa, ang pag-ibig ng magulang at pamilya. At ang pangatlo, ang pag-ibig ng iyong magiging kabiyak, Ang makakasama mo habang-buhay. Kaagapay mo sa paglasap ng kaligayahan at pagkalugmok. Katulad ng dalawang naunang nabanggit hindi rin ito hinahanap. Kusa lamang itong dadating at inaalay.

    Magandang araw.

  • Farizzanic Far

    Let LOVE find YOU.. never find the right man for you because as you expect and seek for it.. you will be more disappointed of that… at this time find yourself and love yourself.. God have the right time for you to have that.. just wait.. and it will come…

    • reformedrockstar

      Amen, Amen and Amen! God’s plans for us are bigger than we can ever imagine and He only wishes the best for His children. If only we would trust Him more. Guess what? I trusted His will and I have met the most amazing man. 🙂

      • Eunice Gamboa

        waaw! nakakatuwa ang testimony mo ms. dylan.. im happy for you,together with your man ❤ Godbless you both! mind-blowing ginawa sayo ni Jesus.

      • reformedrockstar

        Oh my, and it’s only the beginning! Every morning is made beautiful by his renewal of grace and mercy. Everyday we wake up new. Ika nga ni Al Green…”Cause you make me feel, so brand new
        And I want to spend my life with you.” 🙂

  • schweigenrufmorder

    We’re not so different you and I. I’ve been pretty much in the same world as you were before. The only difference is, i wasn’t as famous as Dylan. After reading your blog, I’m glad to have known you through your words, Karen. Know that I have always admired you since the first time i saw you on your Jack TV show. I’m happy you’ve finally found love and peace. I hope someday you will also find the right man who deserves someone as beautiful as you, both inside and out. Wish you well in everything that you do. Keep on writing. And may God be with you always. =)

    • reformedrockstar

      It’s a journey everyday, can’t say the troubles have stopped coming but now I know that with God, nothing is as troubling as it was before. thanks for your kind words, i do hope you keep writing and inspiring as well. 🙂

    • reformedrockstar

      Hi there. I’m sorry this reply took so long. Thank you for finding time to read my stories. And thank you for the kind words. I wonder how you are doing right now? As for me, I have found the man that God wants me to marry. I am in awe everyday of God and His revelations. Do you mind if I ask how you are doing in your own walk? God is with you, always. 🙂

      • schweigenrufmorder

        Hello! Sorry it took me too long to check my blog. Now I’m at it again. Well, I am doing fine. Thank you for asking. I’m happy you’ve found your partner in life. You know sometimes we don’t realize how important it is to have someone to lean on to and show us the way until we fall down and stumble. My wife became that person for me. She was the one who made me realize that God loves me and made me a better person. I Wish you all the best in your married life. Take care now Mrs. Virrey. =)

      • schweigenrufmorder

        Hello! Sorry it took me too long to check my blog. Now I’m at it again. Well, I am doing fine. Thank you for asking. I’m happy you’ve found your partner in life. You know sometimes we don’t realize how important it is to have someone to lean on to and show us the way until we fall down and stumble. My wife became that person for me. She was the one who made me realize that God loves me and made me a better person. I Wish you all the best in your married life. Take care now Mrs. Virrey. =)

  • jackthejungleboy

    LOVE OF THE LOVELESS

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