101 Ways to Be Dylan

I didn’t know what I wanted, so I did everything that everybody else was doing.

I played bass for a band and couldn’t get through a practice or a gig without first drowning myself in alcohol and smoking a joint. I was afraid if i wasn’t high enough or drunk enough, my band mates would see through me and kick me out.

I learned to Ollie and tried to kick flip on  a 27-year old body, without ever being athletic in my life cause my ex was into skateboarding. I bumped my head and scraped my knees bloody and still I went, skating into the night and going down hills without a helmet. On August 7, 2008, I skated drunk and fell. My femur, the strongest bone in the human body, snapped in two. The doctors thought I had been in a motorcycle accident. They had to put me back together with a piece of metal and pins.

Barely recovered, on medication and with a cane, I hit clubs, drank alcohol and partied. In October, only two months after my accident, I joined a nationwide 9-band tour. One night in Baguio, I got so drunk that I broke my cane because I used it as a bat and hit random objects into the air. On another night, I  passed out on the cold floor of a gym with only the band shirts being sold on the merchandise table for company.

I surfed during storms and braved 8 foot high waves. One particularly stormy day in Zambales, I got bulldozed by a crashing wave. I was dragged around like a rag doll and was pummeled  into the shore. When I came to the surface, I found my surfboard broken in half.

I pierced my bellybutton and nose while drunk, got dreadlocks while high and got tattooed  while passed out. I dyed my hair blonde, pink, red and orange, everything and anything at all except my natural color, please.

I did everything and anything at all to keep myself occupied.

Everything and anything at all, to keep from being still and finding out.

Everything and anything to keep from looking in the mirror and acknowledging the truth.

That in my quest to fit into society, the more ill-fit I became for it.

The more I tried to be accepted, the more I was pushed out.

And that in the process, I had gotten so far away from myself and each time I checked, I no longer recognized myself.

I no longer knew who I was. No longer even remembered.

I had  no idea where I was going and where I belonged.

And despite the tough chick exterior I so smugly put on…

I was really just scared.

“If my life is fruitless, it doesn’t matter who praises me, and if my life is fruitful, it doesn’t matter who criticizes me.” – John Bunyan

“He will sit like a refiner of silver.” Mal 3:3 NLT


About reformedrockstar

I'll tell you what I'm not. I'm not a radio DJ, a TV host, an events host, a tattoo artist nor a bad ass rock chick bass player. I am quite simply, a child of God. This blog is His story. :) View all posts by reformedrockstar

4 responses to “101 Ways to Be Dylan

  • David Dizon

    As we can read from this blog post, Dylan used to be a very foolish girl. Hopefully she is no longer as foolish as before she changed her life :D.

  • reformedrockstar

    Hi David,
    Thanks for your your comment. Yeah, I made up a little rhyme for this part of my life actually — I was such a fool, I thought I was cool. Hehe. Your comments are always appreciated, David. Thanks for dropping by. 🙂

  • Ede

    Hi Karen, I know you as a beautiful, strong, and smart woman. We bump into each other at times, and I know how attractive, tempting, or obliging it is to give in to what others are doing even if we don’t really want to. Especially if these people are those you revere, look up to, or admire. More so when you simply just want to challenge yourself into something you haven’t done before. Sometimes it was when I suffered family problems, love problems that I resorted to drinking or other things. But they relieve me only for a short time and don’t solve my problems, sometimes they make it worse. I’m happy for you that the man up there awoke you to your senses. For me it was my real friends, those who care enough about themselves to care enough about me. We don’t have to do drugs or get uncontrollably drunk to be cool, happy, enjoy concerts, or life in general. We don’t have to force ourselves to be as good as everyone else, because we can learn, and learning is a fun process. But most importantly, we don’t have to pretend to be someone else. We can just be ourselves. And that’s when our real friends stand out, because we know that no matter how sober or corny we are, they are always there laughing or crying with us. 🙂 I hope for others to realize that as well…find an anchor, something or someone that can humble them and keep them stable.

    p.s. I enjoy surfing, and it’s really a serious sport as it is hard work to paddle and ride, so I don’t know how other people can get f’d up and surf. Sometimes I’m too tired after just a few hours of surfing that I can’t even finish 2 beers and I end up passing out at 9pm. Which is good if you want to wake up at 6 and ride better waves hehe. If you still want to try it again, tara surf tayo…sa mga maliliit na alon lang, no 8-footers for me either 🙂

    • reformedrockstar

      thank you for sharing ede. that was beautiful..the power of friendship and love is unspeakable. you are very blessed to have the kind of friend you have who love you for exactly who you are… surfing trip? i would love to. 🙂

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